Josiah,
Hello my lil angel I pray you are ok and doing well adjusting to your wings and new home in Heaven. I am having such a hard time especially today, I miss you so much I want you here with me so bad. I wish God would send you back to me, I wish He would have never took you away from me. Mommy hurts so bad inside I wake up everyday wishing that this was all just a dream. I had so many plans for you and for us, I had many stories lined up that I couldn't’t wait to tell you. I feel like my whole world fell apart from under me. It hurts to think, it hurts to breathe, it hurts to cry, it just hurts and im so frustrated because I don’t know how to explain my hurt and pain to anyone yet alone myself I don’t even understand how I feel. Josiah you really impacted my life son, I will never be the same and I look forward to seeing you again, mommy loves you. What hurts the most is I don’t know that you knew or understood just how much I loved you, I wonder when you heard my voice did you know it was me ,could you tell my voice apart from your nurses voices, did you know my voice was mommy’s voice? Josiah this wasn’t supposed to be like this you are supposed to be in my tummy kicking and doing flips. You are apart of me and you took apart of me when you went back to Heaven I don’t know that I will ever feel complete without you. Everyday I will realize that there is a huge part of me missing, no matter how many more kids I may be blessed with I will never feel complete. I wish you would come and visit me in a dream just to let me see you and to know that you are okay… I know you are in a better place and I should be happy and I am happy but I am sad at the same time because I wish we would have had more time together. I wanted so bad to hear your cry and to watch you crawl and walk and say mommy I wanted so bad to just hold you in my arms and rock you to sleep…. I just feel like my dreams are shattered….. Well son I am going to end this and try to get some rest, I love and miss you so much xoxo
Love you more than you will ever know
Mommy
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